something i learned today
(i actually learned nothing today.)
but i wanted to share this with you:
it's a music opinion piece/review
i wrote back when i worked for
that paper i worked for.
(needless to say, it didn't see publication.)
i have a lot of these ...
and i like them,
really, i do!
Ain't No Making It
The kids are all fucked
By Matt Damn K.
Like wow, man, I'm confused. This isn't what i was expecting.
I was expecting some tuneless hardcore punk, the likes of 1986's Immaculate Deception: "Mengele" (a staple); Tylenol poisoning (remember that?); some sort of politics, i'm sure; and could you ever forget that Dr. Seuss rap? That was some funny shit — "I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!" — almost unparalleled in the realm of goofing on yourself and your genre. Tommy Christ never matched that the whole rest of his career. The follow-up was even more unlistenable than Fearless Iranians From Hell, and then, because it had become the late-'80s, they went all metal and called themselves "Scatterbrain."
Remember that shit? "Hey, dude, don't call me dude?" I thought that was funny, too, but that's 'cause I say "dude" a lot and everybody thinks I should move to the beach and be a surfer, in the manner which my lazy, stoned ass would demand, and my older brother was one of those ridiculous hair-farmer guys with no taste in either music or chicks who hung out at the mall — you remember that, too, don't you? I mean, it's pretty much the same now, except the boys all have no hair, but a lot of tattoos and jewelry, and the girls are all showing off their wares in public, and maybe Scatterbrain foresaw that with their Mozart takeoff that whined "I don't wanna go DOWN WITH THE SHIP!"
That was even funnier than Anthrax! The band, that is; and it was funnier than "Surfin' Mozart" by the Mr. T Experience and "Surfin' Cow" by the Dead Milkmen put together, funnier than even all those stupid teens smoking Camels and Reds and thinking they were all grown up.
But I have no idea what this record is all about — I figured the PJ's-looking cover art was part of the gag, but these guys went way left-field. I mean, this is an actual rap record! Southern rap! How the hell could these guys have ... oh, shit, I'm an idiot. This IS a Southern rap record! And I had been thinking about Ludichrist!
Never mind them! This record's funny, too. And I hope kids really like it, kids like the one on my street whose mom shouts up at the second-floor window of the drug house on the corner when her not-quite-15-year-old-daughter's up there. (That's where she goes whenever mom's not home, with her friend that's already had a baby.) I don't know for sure what they're doing up there — maybe it's just drugs — but I do know those girls (those children) ain't going anywhere good, not now and probably never, the way they walk their barely pubescent asses down the street all day in their too-tight jeans. (The other day, I heard this response to an "I love you!" catcall: "Lick my clit!")
Unfortunately, the record in question — Word of Mouf by Ludacris, is boring. Were it fun, as was last year's megahit Back for the First Time, maybe the kids would enjoy its bubblegum baby crunk and understand that it's fun to giggle about the good stuff you've got coming to you. Instead, it's a letdown, as everything else is, and all you've got to look forward to is bills and babies — since we raise our kids to think life's about paying for stuff and having it, or maybe the reverse — so why wait until you understand anything? It's easy enough, spelled out everywhere as it is for you at any time: take it off, get it up, get it on and wait on the glamorous life.
(Everybody lives the glamorous life around here.)
Just like those 14-year-olds that killed their baby 'cause they didn't know what to do with it. Track seven on Mouf is called "Growing Pains." So there ya go.
In closing, since Ludacris clearly wants to make rap that's light fun, like rap music was when it started in those disco-toasting days: Skiddilee-be-bop, we rock, and Scooby-Doo — guess what, America? I hate you.
yeah, can't believe that one didn't get printed.
and yes, i AM listening to bigdrillcar right now,
thankyouverymuch.
next post: prince at the "super bowl,"
and whate'er else i've been doing or thinking or whatever,
a'ight?
but i wanted to share this with you:
it's a music opinion piece/review
i wrote back when i worked for
that paper i worked for.
(needless to say, it didn't see publication.)
i have a lot of these ...
and i like them,
really, i do!
Ain't No Making It
The kids are all fucked
By Matt Damn K.
Like wow, man, I'm confused. This isn't what i was expecting.
I was expecting some tuneless hardcore punk, the likes of 1986's Immaculate Deception: "Mengele" (a staple); Tylenol poisoning (remember that?); some sort of politics, i'm sure; and could you ever forget that Dr. Seuss rap? That was some funny shit — "I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!" — almost unparalleled in the realm of goofing on yourself and your genre. Tommy Christ never matched that the whole rest of his career. The follow-up was even more unlistenable than Fearless Iranians From Hell, and then, because it had become the late-'80s, they went all metal and called themselves "Scatterbrain."
Remember that shit? "Hey, dude, don't call me dude?" I thought that was funny, too, but that's 'cause I say "dude" a lot and everybody thinks I should move to the beach and be a surfer, in the manner which my lazy, stoned ass would demand, and my older brother was one of those ridiculous hair-farmer guys with no taste in either music or chicks who hung out at the mall — you remember that, too, don't you? I mean, it's pretty much the same now, except the boys all have no hair, but a lot of tattoos and jewelry, and the girls are all showing off their wares in public, and maybe Scatterbrain foresaw that with their Mozart takeoff that whined "I don't wanna go DOWN WITH THE SHIP!"
That was even funnier than Anthrax! The band, that is; and it was funnier than "Surfin' Mozart" by the Mr. T Experience and "Surfin' Cow" by the Dead Milkmen put together, funnier than even all those stupid teens smoking Camels and Reds and thinking they were all grown up.
But I have no idea what this record is all about — I figured the PJ's-looking cover art was part of the gag, but these guys went way left-field. I mean, this is an actual rap record! Southern rap! How the hell could these guys have ... oh, shit, I'm an idiot. This IS a Southern rap record! And I had been thinking about Ludichrist!
Never mind them! This record's funny, too. And I hope kids really like it, kids like the one on my street whose mom shouts up at the second-floor window of the drug house on the corner when her not-quite-15-year-old-daughter's up there. (That's where she goes whenever mom's not home, with her friend that's already had a baby.) I don't know for sure what they're doing up there — maybe it's just drugs — but I do know those girls (those children) ain't going anywhere good, not now and probably never, the way they walk their barely pubescent asses down the street all day in their too-tight jeans. (The other day, I heard this response to an "I love you!" catcall: "Lick my clit!")
Unfortunately, the record in question — Word of Mouf by Ludacris, is boring. Were it fun, as was last year's megahit Back for the First Time, maybe the kids would enjoy its bubblegum baby crunk and understand that it's fun to giggle about the good stuff you've got coming to you. Instead, it's a letdown, as everything else is, and all you've got to look forward to is bills and babies — since we raise our kids to think life's about paying for stuff and having it, or maybe the reverse — so why wait until you understand anything? It's easy enough, spelled out everywhere as it is for you at any time: take it off, get it up, get it on and wait on the glamorous life.
(Everybody lives the glamorous life around here.)
Just like those 14-year-olds that killed their baby 'cause they didn't know what to do with it. Track seven on Mouf is called "Growing Pains." So there ya go.
In closing, since Ludacris clearly wants to make rap that's light fun, like rap music was when it started in those disco-toasting days: Skiddilee-be-bop, we rock, and Scooby-Doo — guess what, America? I hate you.
yeah, can't believe that one didn't get printed.
and yes, i AM listening to bigdrillcar right now,
thankyouverymuch.
next post: prince at the "super bowl,"
and whate'er else i've been doing or thinking or whatever,
a'ight?
posted by billy at 11:51 PM
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